Minutes

DBC Meeting #4
Wednesday, May 11, 2005

 Held at Helen Fitzgerald's on South Lindbergh

We headed south this month for the May meeting of the Dodie and Bones Club.  Similar to previous months, everyone was atwitter with anticipation.  Could the momentum be kept up we wondered.  Would the path we started on only a few short months ago lead us to a dead end?  Would there be any relevant topics left to discuss?  Eyes darting from one member to another, the air filled with electricity, our chairperson raised her gavel at exactly 19:10, and with the banging of plastic on a wrought iron table, we began...

Helen Fitzgeralds featured an outdoor patio area which proved the perfect spot for lively debates of several pertinent issues.  As the first order of  business, and in the true spirit of St. Cronan a beer fund was established and we invoked his name to guide us on our journey.   Julie then officially started us off by reading the following inspirational passage: 

Today I accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk in front of my house and I thought I too, am like that snail.  I build a defensive wall around myself, a “shell” if you will.  But my shell isn’t made out of a hard, protective substance.  Mine is made out of tin foil and paper bags.

Many thanks to Julie for providing these words of wisdom.  I know we’ll all be contemplating them through the coming weeks.

The club held it’s first DBC awards ceremony last night.  Nancy surprised one and all by presenting both Julie and Laura trophies for outstanding citizenship and heroic acts of courage in disposing of a mummified squirrel which had taken up residence in Dad’s shed.  Too marvelous for words, the craftsmanship was exquisite and the detail impeccable.  A round of applause filled the air when Nancy handed out the small squirrel figurines, sitting atop delicate white DBC commodes, complete with life-like bones.  The bones, which were formed from BabyRuth candy bars and Tootsie Rolls were then passed around and shared by all.  Many kudos to Katie Lloyd for her artistic presentation.

We could imagine no finer award or higher praise than to be the first recipients of the DBC toilet trophy.

We had worried needlessly about having any important topics to discuss.  As the evening wore on, we pondered several thought provoking topics such as, but not limited to:

1. We need a plastic pink flamingo.
2. Mark knows of overcoat wearing flamingo
3. Matt and Jeannette were 19 minutes late for meeting
4. Mark remembers the night of the slugs
5. Clare and Julie were whispering, but wouldn’t say what about.
6. Paul entertained Matt's boss by sticking 5 quarters up his nose
7. Matt suggests we all go out and get “DBC” tattooed on our knuckles.
8. Tootsie Rolls are a good dinner treat.  Julie and Nancy prefer ButterFinger Crisps.
9. Nancy took fine notes while Elaine was making some dodie.
10. Clare took the Girl Scouts to Fredericks of Hollywood where she bought a dress for little Claire’s wedding.
11. This is the windiest meeting ever.
12. Waitress is slow with food.
13. Fred went camping with Mark and Paul many years ago.  Paul ate all the hot dogs and Fred went home hungry.
14. The remaining Mimi’s restaurant gift certificates have been given to Mark and Teresa.
15. Elaine devised a document with recommended spending limits for various celebratory events for DBC members.
    (Matt has since lost the document, but believes he has a handle on where he might recover it for purposes of posting on this website.)

To make the area more festive, Julie tied a toilet paper streamer to the flag-less table pole.  We have plans for Jeannette to fashion a real club banner at some point in the future.

Some notes from the meeting remain illegible.  One in particular is “Jeannette is #%*&)&^$^%# Matt IMMEDIATELY.  We don’t know why.”  Another appears to be “Fagebults – St. Margaret Mary A.”  Anyone who remembers what these might pertain to is kindly asked to contact me.

(The first item should read "Jeannette is divorcing Matt immediately.  We don't know why."  Jeannette and I don't remember why either.  I'm sure it was merely a hypothetical comment, as in "Matt, if you ever decide to be a sadistic dictator of a small banana republic I am divorcing you immediately."  Something along those lines.  -- Ed)

Because inquiring minds want to know, a toilet paper usage poll was conducted.  Results are as follows:

Though the forecast had been ominous, Joseph (most likely wearing a polo shirt and khaki pants) looked down on his siblings and held the storms at bay.  It was only when he deemed we had had enough, that the temperatures dropped and the wind picked up, making the outdoor patio unsuitable for comfortable DBC discussions.  Alas, we all packed up and headed for home.  Thanks to Joseph for sending us on our way at a reasonable hour.   

Final Club Business:

The final two members of  the club received their membership names.  We welcome Marathon Jan and Banjo Man BooBash to the team.  Remember membership names can be changed at any time.  Please feel free to submit substitutions.

Club will not have membership dues. 

Mark has agreed to assume the role of Sergeant at Arms and Clare will be the Beer Fund Collection Manager.  Thanks to both of them for stepping up to the plate.

-Respectfully submitted this 12^th day of May, 2005

-Seckitary, Alane Macaroni